191W-Men are Happier
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Graying hair adds attraction.
Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually
hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of
shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear
shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do"
your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
Whether you be a believer or not, you must admit the following two facts:One Solitary Life
1. This is the most influential person who ever lived.
2. Everything below is true.
He was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another village, where he worked in a carpenter shop until he was thirty.
Then, for three years, he was an itinerant preacher. He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never had a family or owned a home. He didn't go to college. He never lived in a big city. He never traveled 200 miles from the place where he was born. He did none of the things that usually accompany greatness. He had no credentials but himself.
He was only thirty three when the tide of public opinion turned against him. His friends ran away. One of them denied him. He was turned over to his enemies and went through the mockery of a trial. He was nailed to a cross between two thieves. While he was dying, his executioners gambled for his garments, the only property he had on earth. When he was dead, he was laid in a borrowed grave, through the pity of a friend.
Twenty centuries have come and gone, and today he is the central figure of the human race. I am well within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, all the navies that ever sailed, all the parliaments that ever sat, all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man on this earth as much as that...
192W-Blond's Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels
Hellloooo! bottles won't fit in the printer!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in only 6
months; the box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups
of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned
later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my Jeep in rain storm.....car swamped
because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions
said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven"
button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year