Beautiful scenes and settings in both color and black and white.
368P-Natures Zebra Art
These are Zebras casting a black shadow as they cross a desert area.
740-Is This the Plan
168P-License Plates PMS 24 7
692-Words with Two Meanings
140W-Tom late to work
Tom retired in his early 50's and started a second career. However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers."
Tom replied, "Yes, sir, I know. I'm sorry, but I am working on it."
"That's what I like to hear," his boss said. "However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid rules about tardiness. Isn't that correct?"
"Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I'm mighty proud of it!" said Tom.
"Well, what did they say when you came in late?" asked his boss.
"They said, 'Good morning, General'."
174W-Bad Food for Old People
A doctor was addressing
a large audience in Tampa. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to
have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks
corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded
with MSG. high fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the
long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most
dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what
food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it? After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand and said softly, "Wedding cake."
175W-Old Guy Visits France
An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the
French customs desk the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his
carry-on bag. “You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. “Then
you should know enough to have your passport ready.” The American said, "The last time I was here I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France."
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
176W-Old Guy Young Chick
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year- old blonde
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His
buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they
corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob
replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're amazed, but continue to
ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age",
Bob replies. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and
says, "No, I told her I was 90."
177W-Old Guy in Holland
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they
stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of
cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the
group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These" she
explained "and the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer
produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old
goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
286W-Spelling to get into Heaven
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked. "Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died" her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... there'll be Hell to pay later!
178W-New Plan for war on terrorists
Draft guys over sixty.
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some terrorist that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too! . I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million mad off old guys with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.
Share this with your senior friends.
It's purposely in big type so they can read it!