250W-A Woman's Poem
220W- Bubba's Interview
manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job
opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four
people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four
in and ask them only one question. Their answer would
determine which of them would get the job. The day came and
as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer
asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT." It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And, now you sir?" he asked the second man.
"Hmmm...let me see "A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. "Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the previous three Answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh sure", said BUBBA. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already crapped my pants."
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you! You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on!
Have a good day!!
a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down
next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was
now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a
tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Gary and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Gary said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Gary placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a
swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Gary, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Gary replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on
the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Gary took the money.
104W-Grand Kids Sayings
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment,
and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she
heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their
room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room,
she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We
picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked,
"No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
105W-Four Golfing Ladies |
Four ladies came into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. They were a bit exhausted.
The pro asked, "Did you ladies have a good game today?"
The first lady said, "Oh, I had three riders today." The second lady said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."
The third lady said, "I did about the same. I had 7 riders, the same as last time." The last lady said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today. Aren't you proud of me?"
After they went into the ladies locker room, an elderly golfer that had heard the ladies telling of their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf for 40 years and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
107W-Live To Be 80
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said,
"Then, why do you give a crap?"
108W-No Man Writes Abby
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the street.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motor cycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that
the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks
him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you
but I don't want to offend you" She answers, "My son, you cannot
offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long
as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She
responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very
excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his
fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they
get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear
child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm
married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin
and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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