|734-Against All Welfare
|675-What PMS Means
|433W-We Really Love Blonds
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.' The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.
A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister.
Her mother died, too!'
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
You might have to think twice about this one.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.
''So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The
gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she
would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, 'You yust put 'Ole died'.' The gentleman, somewhat perplexed,
said, 'That's it? Just 'Ole died'? Surely, there must be something more you'd
like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five
words are free. 'We must say something more.'
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, ' O.K. You put, 'Ole died.
Boat for sale.''
Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to the sidewalk. Ole
got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1. The Operator said 'Where are you?' Ole
said, 'We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus Street.' The
operator said 'How do you spell that?' and the phone seemed to go dead. The
operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting. When he came back
on and he said, 'I dragged her over to Oak St, that's O-A-K.'
Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt
moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip,
the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected
strongly, 'Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and
he had the same plane as yours.' Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six
were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the
load and went down a few moments after take-off. Climbing out of the wreck one
Norski asked the other, 'Any idea where we are?' 'Yaaah I tink we's pretty
close to where we crashed last year.'
called the airlines information desk and inquired, 'How long does it take to
fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?' 'Yust a minute,' said the busy clerk. 'Vell,' said
Lena, 'if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus.'
Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, 'Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian
and a canoe?'
'No, I don't,' said Ole. 'A canoe will sometimes tip,' explained Lars.
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, 'Vell, dere
goes five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!'
Lars: 'Ole, stand in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are
working.' Ole: 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...'
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along
bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long,
dark tunnel. 'Have you eaten your banana yet?' Ole asked excitedly. 'No,'
replied Lars. 'Vell, don't touch it den,' Ole exclaimed. 'I yust took vun bite
and vent blind!'
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how
she was doing with it. 'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persuaded her to svitch to a
clarinet.' 'How come?' asked Lars.
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet she can't sing.'
Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench, a lady turned to Ole and
said, 'Are you a pole vaulter?' Ole said, 'No, I'm Norvegian and my name isn't
dat's enough for now.
|722-Bubba and the Blond