261P-One of Best Internet Pictures of 2007
256W-The Irishman and the Preacher
A preacher was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely attacked by a dozen sleazy women than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice.”
659W-Chinese Sick Leave
248W-BLIND MAN IN A BIKER BAR
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the server, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you're blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blond woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card: Just the stone cold truth of our friendship.
1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will RAG on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much WORSE it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick – Stay away from me until you are well. Again, I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsiness.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask:
'Because you are my friend'
Send this to 10 of your closest friends,
Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
696-Common Sense Obituary
|279W-A Nurses’ Story
It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry, as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a
while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?’
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, '"She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left. I had goose bumps on my arms and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life'.
True love is neither physical nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Mary shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional, Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and back flips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two old ladies. They witnessed Mary's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out tonight, and me without me bloomers on!