December 8 6:00 P
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the idiot is lying.
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the fool who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his gonads and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
Merry fricking Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The WITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
Feels so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to this bed?
237W-Two Touching Stories
This is a little long but read it anyway.....Think of it as your little nugget of info for the day.
STORY NUMBER ONE
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago.
Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.
Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also, Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a
fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it
filled an entire Chicago City block.
Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave
little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.
Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was
withheld. Price was no object.
And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was.
Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass
on a good name or a good example.
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob,
and he knew that the cost would be great.
So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago
Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.
The poem read:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still."
STORY NUMBER TWO
World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare.
He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.
One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.
His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.
As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold: a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet.
The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach
his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must
somehow divert them from the fleet.
Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted
50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as
many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.
Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.
Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.
Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The
film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet.
He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the
first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor.
A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.
So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE
TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?
Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's"
(Pretty cool, huh?)
230P-The Day God Spilled the Paint
side of the Carrizo plain, in the Temblor Range, about 50 miles due west of
California Photo taken by Barbara Mathews May 14. 2005
225W-My Workout Experience
can read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal
training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape
since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a
good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my
reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a
26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She
is something of the Greek goddess I always wanted to be - with blonde hair,
dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the
skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching
from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made
me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights
on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.
Belinda's encouraging words made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!
It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals...even my boobs ache. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was
impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her
voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she
gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the
treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone
invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some
other crap too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being half an hour
late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and
hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as
punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic
little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps.
I don't have any!
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why
couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash
the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV
remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel and
swallowed a whole candy bar without chewing.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank
GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the
little twit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a hysterectomy or a
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the
floor with diamonds!!!
694-WORDS WOMEN USE
229W-Don't Talk to my Parrot
dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to
work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the
mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a
check." "Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't
bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk
to my parrot!"
REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the
biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said,
the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his
incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman
couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid,
To which the parrot replied, "Sic him, Spike!" See - Men just
661V-How to Peel a Potato This is cool!
Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, demonstrates a unique way to peel an Idaho potato...without the use of a potato peeler!
239W-A Little Girl's Walk
A little girl walked to and from school daily.
Though the weather one morning was questionable, and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school.
As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning.
The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.
Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, would cut through the sky.
As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, and at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile.
Another and another were to follow quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.
When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?"
The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty. God keeps taking my picture."
May God bless you today and this new year as you face the storms that come your way. "It is not only about making it through the storm, but learning to dance in the rain."